Look, neglect your ergonomic, wi-fi nonsense. Neglect your light studying curves. Metal Battalion isn't a sport; it's a persona take a look at disguised as a $200 peripheral that takes up half your front room. Capcom seemed on the mech style and determined it wasn't intimidating sufficient, in order that they packaged it with a monstrous, three-foot-wide controller that includes 40 buttons, twin joysticks, three foot pedals, and a communications dial. It's much less a controller and extra a monument to govt hubris.
Is available in a wood army type field
One loopy sport design
The darkish joke right here begins earlier than you even get into fight, as a result of it’s a must to discover ways to function an precise, simulated machine. There are buttons for all the things. Need to begin the engine? That’s 4 security switches and an ignition key sequence, adopted by a prayer to a minor Japanese god. You’ve got a button devoted to washing your windshield. When your big, strolling loss of life machine is at present being torn aside by enemy hearth, and also you’re frantically looking for the plasma cannon set off, you’ll inevitably hit the windshield wiper button. And that, my buddies, is comedy.
The sport isn't only a bodily tax; it's a profound, existential menace to your free time. As a result of beneath all the fantastic, clicky plastic lies the sport's darkest, funniest characteristic: permadeath. You're a rookie pilot, thrown right into a meat grinder of a struggle. When your Vertical Tank (VT) is critically broken, the cockpit begins filling with smoke, sparks, and the sound of your financial savings account dissolving. At this level, you will have mere seconds to flip a plastic cowl and slam the outsized, glowing-red EJECT button.
Fail to eject? Your VT explodes, your pilot turns into a high-pressure mist, and the sport does one thing actually magnificent: It deletes your save file. Hours of progress, gone. You don't get a "Recreation Over" display screen; you get an eviction discover from the digital world. It's the one sport the place loss of life isn’t just an inconvenience, however a real, private betrayal by the {hardware} itself.
The funniest half is all the time the previous few moments. You're not dying heroically; you're dying since you bought confused and hit the Evening Imaginative and prescient change as a substitute of the missile lock. You die in a panic, desperately attempting to uncap the eject change, your arms slipping, your sweat shorting out the comms dial, figuring out that in about three seconds, your total weekend will likely be erased since you couldn't hold your cool whereas a cartoon tank was taking pictures you.
Metal Battalion is a masterpiece of darkish humor. It’s a fantastically costly prank that Capcom performed on its most devoted followers, and it deserves all of the confused rage it conjures up. In the event you like the concept of paying a whole lot of {dollars} to have a pc snigger at you whereas it purges your reminiscence, that is the sport for you. Simply be sure you learn the 90-page handbook, or your life goes to be very, very quick. And costly.
Score: 5/5 Stars for Dedication to Emotional Injury.
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